I’ve been away from social media for a good month now and taking short walks every day and it’s certainly grown quieter in my mind though before the quiet there was quite a little storm - even a few tempests, I’d say, all kinds of fears and insecurities and anxiety needed to work their way to the surface and be confronted or released. And now that I’ve done all that shadow work, I’m not really in the mood to talk to be honest - I’ve felt extremely introspective - to the point that although I know it’s time to “come back” and begin sharing again, I just can’t seem to do it. I open my mouth (metaphorically of course in this case,) and there is nothing. I just want to keep walking and thinking and painting but I’m not ready to talk or write or share just yet.

Please know I’m not in a bad place mentally - in fact, I feel more space and peace than I have in a long while, even though winter has come early and demonstratively with single digits and wind temps below zero and even a little white stuff, as you can see here…. even so, I’m not in a mood of despair or grief - though I think grief is part of my make-up, I live with a good deal of that and always have and the animals make that part of my reality in an inescapable way — but I think mainly I’m in a place of contemplation - and I think that’s a natural place to be during these short days and long nights - I’m just being as mindful as I can be and trying to feel myself into whatever the next natural, organic stage of life here at Sweet Haven will be. Because I have found myself in some places that I don’t want to stay and live in for any length of time these past few years and I have to be careful what I say yes to and what I make time and room for - we all do, don’t we? And so often those decisions that dictate our days and years are made without our even realizing we’re doing it, we say yes to something that seems temporary and innocuous and there we are five years later, feeling overwhelmed and bitter and trapped….

I gave myself permission to stop taking photos of the animals while I’ve been off instagram, and what I’ve found is I’ve had so many more moments of real communion with them, which is a cheesy word, but they know the difference between me really BEing with them and me being with them through the lens of the camera. These are basically the first photos I’ve taken of them since October 16… I’m so glad I’ve given myself the extra time with them and also the extra time spent preparing their shelters for winter, as I think we’ve managed to ready ourselves better than we ever have yet and barring a few kinks which we’re working out with the little pigs’ shelter, everyone is snugged in for the next few months.

I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to “come back” and start sharing again - I expect it will happen all at once one morning, I’ll just pull the band-aid off and realize it’s not such a big thing and I can juggle that ball back into the loop - but I think this quiet time of drawing in has been good for me, helped me see things I had started to be blind to, given me time to put things back in my days that I need and have missed terribly, not least of these was time for snuggling and reading with Nettie… small things that shouldn’t have dropped away and started to seem impossible seem within my reach again, or very nearly :)

If I don’t see you all soon on “the gram,” I’ll be sending you real, handwritten holiday greetings before too long and please know you’re in my thoughts - you can always drop me a line in the mail or via email to let me know how you are.

xx Rosanna

(sweethavensanctuary@gmail.com)